We are lucky to have had the opportunity to work closely with psychotherapist, financial therapist, and wealth counselor, Marilyn Wechter, for nearly 7 years on issues related to our clients’ families and their wealth. She has quickly become one of the most valuable resources in our network of outside advisors. We are constantly in awe of her ability to turn the discomfort of challenging situations into a healthy and welcome dialogue. Marilyn proposes that open conversations among parents and children about money are essential to fostering the appropriate relationship with future inheritance.

Keep in mind these key points when approaching family conversations about money:

-In money conversations, disagreement is not the problem. Rather, disengagement is the problem. This means that there are no taboo subjects.

-Approaching issues with soft knees is essential. Just like buildings that sway in response to wind and earthquakes, we become far less brittle when we approach issues without rigidity.

Marilyn offers these questions as a template to get started:

• What is your personal history with money?
• What were the messages that you got about it: From your mother? From your father? From your grandparents? From your culture?
• Did you witness conflict in your family of origin over financial issues?
• Was money ever spoken about?
• What role does money play in your life now?
• Can you spend without conflict, or shame, or guilt?
• Do you use money to address some other feeling or need?
• Do you use money to control or exert power over others: your children or your partners or your friends?
• Are you fearful about having enough?
• How does money create joy or anxiety for you?

Please join us in welcoming the newest addition to the Hill Investment Group family! Our own John Reagan and his wife Molly gave birth this past weekend to their first child, James Francis Reagan, who weighed in at 6lbs 12oz.

Some of the best educational material that we collect as advisors comes from your personal stories about investing. Real experiences are so valuable because they come with a context and background—making them an incredibly valuable tool to assist in our own decisions.

In addition to our clients’ stories, we get nearly as many from those we encounter outside of the office in our day-to-day interactions. Consider this story from a flight several years ago:

A middle-aged woman sitting next to me introduced herself when she saw one of the recent Swedroe books in my hand. She was particularly interested because she had just lost her parents and would be inheriting their estate in the coming months. One issue weighed heavily on her mind. Her parents chose to restrict access to her inheritance while giving her sister more favorable treatment. Sitting right there on that plane, she broke down.

Hers is a lesson we’ll never forget. She had one wish: If only her parents would have said something—anything—directly to her, she wouldn’t be left with so many questions about their decision. What concerns did they have? How did her sister earn their trust, and she did not? Why did they leave her to find out from an attorney?

We often say that a simple conversation with your children or other beneficiaries can create a powerful dialogue about deeper issues. One example: Is there anything they can understand about your wishes to make them better stewards of your wealth?