We are lucky to have had the opportunity to work closely with psychotherapist, financial therapist, and wealth counselor, Marilyn Wechter, for nearly 7 years on issues related to our clients’ families and their wealth. She has quickly become one of the most valuable resources in our network of outside advisors. We are constantly in awe of her ability to turn the discomfort of challenging situations into a healthy and welcome dialogue. Marilyn proposes that open conversations among parents and children about money are essential to fostering the appropriate relationship with future inheritance.

Keep in mind these key points when approaching family conversations about money:

-In money conversations, disagreement is not the problem. Rather, disengagement is the problem. This means that there are no taboo subjects.

-Approaching issues with soft knees is essential. Just like buildings that sway in response to wind and earthquakes, we become far less brittle when we approach issues without rigidity.

Marilyn offers these questions as a template to get started:

• What is your personal history with money?
• What were the messages that you got about it: From your mother? From your father? From your grandparents? From your culture?
• Did you witness conflict in your family of origin over financial issues?
• Was money ever spoken about?
• What role does money play in your life now?
• Can you spend without conflict, or shame, or guilt?
• Do you use money to address some other feeling or need?
• Do you use money to control or exert power over others: your children or your partners or your friends?
• Are you fearful about having enough?
• How does money create joy or anxiety for you?

We want to make sure you catch some of our shorter bits throughout the month on social media. To that end, here’s the sampling from the past few months. Highlights include the BAM ALLIANCE conference and an opportunity to meet the author Michael Lewis.

Before heading into the final stage of The LongView Process—Review—I thought it would be helpful to remind you of the top three things that we look for in a new relationship:

1) Are they pleasant and nice to be with? We’ll be together for a long time. Does it feel right?

2) Does a prospective client understand and truly believe in our evidenced-based investment approach?

3) Is the future client willing to delegate day-to-day investment decisions to Hill Investment Group? If someone is a micro-manager or has done it themselves for decades, we are not going to be a good fit. Highly successful families, executives, and businesses owners often understand that they benefit by delegating responsibility for all kinds of activities, at home and at the office, to those that have a unique ability in a particular area. Doing so usually leads to a much better result and increased peace of mind while freeing them to do what they do best…whether it’s lead people, perform surgery or donate their valuable time to organizations that they are passionate about. In the end, leveraging time and talent are key difference makers.

These three traits are all present in our most successful, long-term relationships.

In stage 4 of The LongView Process—about 45 days after The Commitment Meeting—we sit down with our clients and review all that has gone on during the previous six weeks. This is one of the first tests for Hill: Did we do what we said we were going to do, and what does it all look like? This highly practical meeting includes ensuring that all of the investment assets and cash have successfully transferred to their new accounts, answering any pending questions, reviewing service expectations, and providing an overview of regular communications. This includes walking through our client’s first Hill Investment Group statement to provide a clear understanding of the information available there.

We’ve provided a simple visual of the overall process below, and click here to read a detailed description of the entire process.